by Beau Morgan 

1. Camp

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Because it’s not enough to go to church here. We must suffer mutual body odour once a month. 


2. General Overseer 

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Your pastor can’t have an ordinary title. He must compete with coup plotters.


3. Go-slow 

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Traffic is for wussies. Let us show you what it REALLY means to get to work late.  


4. ‘Any work?’

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The only reason we have more underemployed than unemployed? They’re lurking around dirty university hostels helping us live our best lives. 


5. ‘Irate-youth’ 

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Because even if it’s a 59 year old man that burnt down the building, in Nigerian newspapers he is always an ‘irate youth’. 


6. Chemist

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The doctor down your street who never went to medical school.


7. Handout

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No, it doesn’t mean giving somebody money. Unless you mean my poverty-stricken lecturer whose breath stinks. Then yes, yes, yes it is. 


8. Banger

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Don’t come with your condom. This will not end in an orgasm. 


9. Daddy

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I have nothing to do with all these men I call ‘daddy’. It’s my mum forcing me to respect them. 


10. Light

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Something we use to iron our clothes, charge our phones, and receive constantly only after Goodluck Jonathan is no longer president. 


11. Broadcast

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Something that happens to your phone every morning, because your BBM contacts don’t have simple common sense. 


12. Police-net

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Because one doesn’t merely get caught by the police in Nigeria. You must also enter into their net. 


13. Expo

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A new system of education that has drastically improved on the global model, leading to mass academic excellence in the given school.


To God be the glory.

 
 
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