by Beau Morgan 

1. Camp


Because it’s not enough to go to church here. We must suffer mutual body odour once a month. 

2. General Overseer 


Your pastor can’t have an ordinary title. He must compete with coup plotters.

3. Go-slow 


Traffic is for wussies. Let us show you what it REALLY means to get to work late.  

4. ‘Any work?’


The only reason we have more underemployed than unemployed? They’re lurking around dirty university hostels helping us live our best lives. 

5. ‘Irate-youth’ 

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Because even if it’s a 59 year old man that burnt down the building, in Nigerian newspapers he is always an ‘irate youth’. 

6. Chemist


The doctor down your street who never went to medical school.

7. Handout


No, it doesn’t mean giving somebody money. Unless you mean my poverty-stricken lecturer whose breath stinks. Then yes, yes, yes it is. 

8. Banger


Don’t come with your condom. This will not end in an orgasm. 

9. Daddy


I have nothing to do with all these men I call ‘daddy’. It’s my mum forcing me to respect them. 

10. Light


Something we use to iron our clothes, charge our phones, and receive constantly only after Goodluck Jonathan is no longer president. 

11. Broadcast


Something that happens to your phone every morning, because your BBM contacts don’t have simple common sense. 

12. Police-net


Because one doesn’t merely get caught by the police in Nigeria. You must also enter into their net. 

13. Expo


A new system of education that has drastically improved on the global model, leading to mass academic excellence in the given school.

To God be the glory.

Did we miss out any words? Share yours with us below!

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